I thought that I'd do an update that was promised to my readers in 2004. Shut up, it only took me nine years. The update is the colulumn that follows this one. It tells you how to keep bats out of your attic once they're already up there. Read this, then the following arktickle to learn how. Cretins.

THE OLD HOUSE DOCTOR 12-13-04

 

YOUR BATS!

 

Dear Old House Doctor,

While doing my annual home winterizing this week, I noticed a spot under my eave with black smudges that weren’t there last year. Looking closer, I saw a piece of trim had dropped off and there was a gap between the boards. Is my house leaking some warm air out? What could be causing the black smudges?

                                                  Signed

                                        Worried on Wall Street

Dear Worried,

          Not seeing your problem firsthand, I can only guess what condition you’re suffering from (AAAAUUUGGGHH! A preposition at the end of a sentence! That it something up with which I shall not put!). But I don’t think you’ve got anything coming out of your house. I imagine something is getting in.

          If it’s squirrels, you’re doomed. They are nearly impossible to evict. But I imagine you have bats.

          This is the time of year that bats hibernate, and old houses are a favorite roost. With spaces in the woodwork and separations in the joinery, they will take up winter residence in numbers ranging from two to two million. There they will sleep and dream their little batty dreams until the temperature warms, then they’ll either decide they like it or move on. Most move on in spring, but if they stay, they will likely raise little bats and might even invite some friends to share the space.

          It is not only imperative that you do not disturb them in winter, it is also illegal. The Bat Police will come and take you away to Bat Jail, and you’ll have to share your cell with others like yourself, which is perty scary if you think about it.

The bats are doing no harm in winter, and if you disturb them they will likely die form exposure. They’re in suspended animation and will not recover easily enough to find another roost.

When spring comes, they should be allowed to wake naturally, flit forth at sundown, and then you can plug up their hole to keep them out. There are other alternatives to this, though, and I’ll talk about them next time.