THE CONTRACTOR'S TEN COMMANDMENTS

originally posted 7-30-01

I've reworded this a few times when posting it on specific jobs, but you get the idea.

Twenty five years in construction has given me a great deal of insight inside both the contractor’s and the homeowner’s minds. I’ve come up with a set of guidelines that get posted on all major jobs, and if the homeowners don’t laugh at least once, I know I’m in trouble. Here they are, followed by brief, but useless explanations:
1. THAT’S EXTRA. I won’t raise my prices during the job if you won’t change your mind again.
2. PAINTERS WILL FIX IT. You expect carpenters to know something about joinery? Of course caulk is structural.
3. THAT’S NOT CODE. This gives us the chance to catch up as you and the architect go crazy making changes (see #1) to remain legal. In Eureka, it should go “That was code according to the LAST inspector.”
4. YOU WON’T SEE THAT. We’ll fix it, or it’ll be covered with sheetrock, or some such nonsense (see # 2). The further up it is, the less we have to worry about how it looks.
5. IT’LL HOLD. All we had were six penny finish nails to attach the roof, so we used superglue. Or, “liquid nails never fails!”
6. OF COURSE WE’VE DONE THIS BEFORE. If the whole crew shows up with brand new tools and spends all morning reading instruction booklets, you’re in trouble.
7. PERMIT? WHAT PERMIT? Sometimes goes “License? What license?” Often coupled with # 8,
8. WE ARE OUR INSURANCE. A very dangerous situation, especially when they show up with wooden ladders and circular saws that have the blade guards removed.
9. I AM NOT YOUR COUNSELLOR. If you and your spouse haven’t worked out your architectural differences yet, just keep #10 in mind.
10.DEER SEASON STARTS NEXT WEEK, WE’LL BE BACK IN FEBRUARY. Usually followed by, “Kin we git a ad-vay-unce?”