OLD HOUSE DOCTOR 1-21-02

HOME SELF-EXAM

PART 1

          Now that Grandpa has been sent back to the future (did I hear a collective sigh of relief?), we can get back to keeping up with your home’s health. I’m going to teach you to perform a seasonal home self-exam so that when Cletis the Plumber or Jayfus the Roofer comes to you with a repair bid, you’ll have some foreknowledge of its details. You might even be able to head off those guys, if you do this twice a year. Catch the smaller problems BEFORE they turn into monsters.

          Your home’s greatest enemies are time, moisture and yourself, though not necessarily in this order. And as every GUY knows (can I get a group HARUMPH?), worming around your crawlspace is the best indicator of a home’s health. There isn’t a guy in the world that can truly resist an old house’s spider-infested basement. Well, only a few, but they’re dead. But I’m sure it’s not from spider bites. Put on your overalls, we’re goin’ underground.

          The crawl should be DRY. Covering the dirt with clear plastic will keep the moisture away. The masonry piers that support the floor joists toward the center of the house should make full contact, be plumb (straight), and the mortar should be solid. If not, add shims and repoint. Any water or gas pipes need to be off the ground, as should those electric lines. Attach them all to the floor joists with proper hangers and staples. Chewed-on electric cable can be wrapped with electric tape IF no more than one of the wires has been exposed, but it’s best to get Elmo the Electrician to do it. That way I won’t get sued. Examine the areas below the bath and kitchen for leaks or wet wood. Are there pinholes throughout your joists? You may have boring beetles, though they don’t like to be called that. Poke your wood with an awl or screwdriver to test its integrity around termite damage. Look for moist mud tunnels around piers and masonry. You might have active termites. If so, call Porky the Pest Guy.

          I’ll be giving a talk on Home Self-Exams Thursday January 24^th (hey, that’s tonight!) at 7 PM at The Community Room on the Square in Berryville. Y’all come.